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Unhelpful Family Roles

Updated: Oct 4

In Family Systems Theory (also known as the Bowen Theory) the concept of "unhelpful roles" typically refers to dysfunctional or negative patterns of behaviour that family members may adopt as a way to cope. These roles can vary widely, but here are some common examples:

The Scapegoat: This is often a child who is acting out in response to the family's dysfunction, then blamed for the family's problems and becomes the target of criticism and negative attention.

The Enabler: This is often a parent or older family member who tries to maintain the status quo by enabling the dysfunctional behaviour of others (e.g. a child's substance abuse) by not setting boundaries or consequences. They may make excuses for the actions of the dysfunctional family member.

The Authoritarian Parent: An overly controlling and strict parenting style that can create tension and rebellion within the family.

The Victim: A family member who consistently portrays themselves as the victim, leading to emotional manipulation and a lack of personal responsibility.

The Martyr: This person often sacrifices their own needs and well-being for the sake of the family, leading to resentment and frustration over time.

The Rescuer: This role typically involves a family member who constantly jumps in and tries to fix or rescue other family members from their problems, often neglecting their own needs in the process.

The Lost Child: This child tends to withdraw from family conflicts and may become emotionally distant or isolated. This child often becomes quiet, withdrawn, and seeks to avoid conflict by becoming invisible in the family dynamic.

The Caretaker: A child may take on the role of the caretaker, responsible for the emotional well-being of others, including the parents.

The Hero/Achiever: Often a child who seeks to bring positive attention to the family by overachieving or excelling in various areas.


Blaming children in dysfunctional families can be a way for parents or other family members to deflect responsibility for their own issues. These roles can become ingrained over time and perpetuate family dysfunction. It's essential to recognize these roles and patterns and seek professional help, such as therapy, to address and change these harmful dynamics for the well-being of all family members.

@Ease Creative Integrative Therapies with Val Phillips 2023


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